Looking Back and Looking Foward

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be an interesting activity to do so....

20 years ago: 1989: age 13-14

I had just discovered the difference between wannabees and jiggaboos (via Spike Lee's School Daze). Bratty self-hating, I mean, poor, misguided classmates labeled themselves the former and me the latter. I took ownership of my giggaboo-ness and relished in the thought of going to my highly selective college preparatory high school (Yay Renaissance!) and leaving my classmates behind. To be young, gifted, and black!!!

15 years ago: 1994: age 18-19

Sophmore year in college. I discovered Iyanlya Vanzant, Ifa, and natural hair. Cut my apl (arm pit length) straight, relaxed hair off and determined that my beauty went beyond my hair. had a disasterous and (mainly emotionally) abusive relationship that resulted in both the worst semester of my undergraduate academic career and (the next semester) one of the best (dad said to shape up or come home). So I dumped the "zero" and hit the books.

10 years ago: 1999: age 23-24

Finished my post-BA teaching internship. A single mom engaged to my high school sweetheart (not my son's father). Trying to fit in the upwardly mobile buppie box, but the revolutionary rebel in me was itching to get out. Ended up breaking up with my fiancee and joining the Shrines of the Black Madonna.

5 years ago: 2004: age 28-29

Master's degree in Library and Information Science under my belt, living on my own terms with my son, working as a school librarian, a job I loved in a place I loved with (some) people that I couldn't stand. Making moves to get into a doctoral program....somewhere. A couple of disasterous relationships...lessons learned....

3 years ago: 2006: age 30-31

In my PhD program, learning that finding a community to connect with can be hard. Feeling happy with my academic life but dissatisfied with my social and personal life.

1 year ago: 2008 age 32-33

Spinning too many plates-field instructor, course instructor, research assistant, while writing a dissertation proposal, fellowship proposals, prepping for part two of my comprhensive exams and battling racist teachers and administrators hell bent on destroying my young black boy. Just reflecting on all of that makes me sick to my stomach... *humming "How I Got Ovah"...notice, no social or personal life mentioned.

Yesterday

Attended a workshop at the local university in Salvador da Bahia. Got a potentially (quality of) life altering proposition, attended the unofficial opening day of a friend's resturant.

Today

Welcomed a houseguest into my home for a few weeks. Worked on a social network site for an international organization. Washed some linens. Planning on going to Pelhourinho. Later going to the official opening day of a friend's restaurant. Calling parents (before they sendEmbassay after me). Making a pro-con list for the aforementioned proposition.

Tomorrow

Going to the beach early. Going grocery shopping. Calling grandma. Practicing Portuguese. Planning my week (including Friday, F's B-day).

In the next 5 years

I will: Finish my degree. Get a university job or another job that is fufilling. Return to the D for some period of time and helping out. Dating, falling in love, getting married and having another child (a girl has to keep hope alive, right?). Helping my son navigate through middle school, high school, and the college selection process (yikes). Traveling more, but finding a place to put down roots.

Half rainbows and settling in

These past few days have been pretty good. I set up Portuguese tutoring sessions for F. and me, found a grocery store that I am comfortable with, did some document translation (yes, I do work from time to time), and spent an evening on the beach listening to two free concerts just a block from each other. We never did get cable, but oh well. Hence the half rainbow.

Actually this morning is the second time that I've seen a half rainbow out over the ocean. It just reminds me of how blessed I am to be able to have such a view outside my window. Coming from urban and suburban Michigan, ocean views are, well, non-existent, and at my family's pay grade, lake and river views are something you get while vacationing. So it is indeed a privilege to stay in a place that overlooks the ocean. Know that I am settling in I am finally beginning to sit back and enjoy my surroundings....my locale.

Last night was particularly fun. I met up with an American colleague from JAPER (US-Brazil Joint Action Plan Civil Society Committee) and we hung out on the beach, listened to forro (like Brazilian country music...sort of), rock, and reggae, and talked about race relations in Brazil and the U.S. I realized how much I missed having a deep and engaging conversation with an adult. I need to do it more often. My son agrees. Once my colleague and I parted ways, F. and I continued to hang out. The reggae band was hot, and I was really getting into music. I told my son that his dad and I became a couple while playing in a reggae /Afro-pop band while in college. I can't believe he never heard of the Mau Maus (that was our name, do not take offense). We were a collection of Africans, Caribbeans, Asians, and N. Americans (me). I was a back up singer and dancer, known along with a South African woman as the I-2's (take off of the I-3's from Bob Marley's band...it also is a type of immigration document too, isn't it? Just realized that....).Mau Mau back in the day

Anyway, listening to the band, which had a woman playing keyboard, btw, took me back. They sung in English and Portuguese, and the crowd was funky. Lots of American college students (cool ones, not rowdy, drunk ones) European tourists, Brazilian kids, other locals, and a number of families with kids (F. didn't stand out too much, even though his style of dress marks us as American...he will not let go of the crisp white gym shoes and the baggy clothes). We eventually left because F. needed a bathroom break (those port-a-potties are NOT the stuff) and then it started raining. It was funny watching dozens of partiers cram under vendor umbrellas and shop canopies. Everyone was so calm. I try to imagine this scene in the U.S....like at Hart Plaza in downtown Detroit during a festival. Not sure how it would play out. Oh well...it was cool here. I look forward to a casual Saturday in the city. Going to do more transcribing, hit the mall for a few things, then maybe the beach....peace...