Negotiations...the convo I have been dreading...

This morning's convo with my mom via Skype...

Mom: So you are going to be staying with us for 3 months....whoah...how are we gonna manage?

Me: Well, we will have to work it out....but a couple of things. I don't need my coffeemaker, but I do need the microwave.

Mom: I will have to re-arrange the kitchen for it, but I guess it'll be okay.

Me: And also, I must use the shower head. I know you all are afraid of mildew and prefer us to only take baths, but there is no way I can do my hair without the shower. The shower and the microwave, I need compromise on those.

Mom: Well, just shower with the window open and we'll see....your dad doesn't like folks taking showers cause the paint starts peeling, but I guess it will work out.

Me: Fine. So how's grandma?

Mom: She's okay, but she refuses to get a new stove and her oven doesn't work. So I have to fry up all her chicken and fish instead of baking it.

Me: Why don't you just bake it at home and then take it to her house? Its healthier.

Mom: And cook meat in my house!! Oh no!!

Me: Umm, mom...what do you think F. and I are going to do?

Mom: I thought you were going to stop eating meat again.

Me: Well, I plan on it, but F. isn't a vegetarian, and I am not feeding him frozen chicken dinners for three months.

Mom: Well, I hate handling raw meat, but I will have to cook the meat cause you don't know how to handle it without contaminating my kitchen.

Me: Mom, I am a 35 year old woman with a teenage son (not true...I'm 33 and he is 11, but this was my "I'm a grown azz woman" rant) and this is what I have been doing for 15 years now, cooking my own food. I cook healthy meals for my family. I intend to continue cooking for my family.

Mom: Well, we will have to see.

Me: What do you expect us to do?

Mom: *silence

Me: *silence

Mom: Well I guess I will have to go up behind you and re sanitize my kitchen after you are done contaminating it.

Me: Well, if that's what you need to do...

Mom: hmph...

Me: *bratty only child smile

That went well, I think......

Looking Back and Looking Foward

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be an interesting activity to do so....

20 years ago: 1989: age 13-14

I had just discovered the difference between wannabees and jiggaboos (via Spike Lee's School Daze). Bratty self-hating, I mean, poor, misguided classmates labeled themselves the former and me the latter. I took ownership of my giggaboo-ness and relished in the thought of going to my highly selective college preparatory high school (Yay Renaissance!) and leaving my classmates behind. To be young, gifted, and black!!!

15 years ago: 1994: age 18-19

Sophmore year in college. I discovered Iyanlya Vanzant, Ifa, and natural hair. Cut my apl (arm pit length) straight, relaxed hair off and determined that my beauty went beyond my hair. had a disasterous and (mainly emotionally) abusive relationship that resulted in both the worst semester of my undergraduate academic career and (the next semester) one of the best (dad said to shape up or come home). So I dumped the "zero" and hit the books.

10 years ago: 1999: age 23-24

Finished my post-BA teaching internship. A single mom engaged to my high school sweetheart (not my son's father). Trying to fit in the upwardly mobile buppie box, but the revolutionary rebel in me was itching to get out. Ended up breaking up with my fiancee and joining the Shrines of the Black Madonna.

5 years ago: 2004: age 28-29

Master's degree in Library and Information Science under my belt, living on my own terms with my son, working as a school librarian, a job I loved in a place I loved with (some) people that I couldn't stand. Making moves to get into a doctoral program....somewhere. A couple of disasterous relationships...lessons learned....

3 years ago: 2006: age 30-31

In my PhD program, learning that finding a community to connect with can be hard. Feeling happy with my academic life but dissatisfied with my social and personal life.

1 year ago: 2008 age 32-33

Spinning too many plates-field instructor, course instructor, research assistant, while writing a dissertation proposal, fellowship proposals, prepping for part two of my comprhensive exams and battling racist teachers and administrators hell bent on destroying my young black boy. Just reflecting on all of that makes me sick to my stomach... *humming "How I Got Ovah"...notice, no social or personal life mentioned.

Yesterday

Attended a workshop at the local university in Salvador da Bahia. Got a potentially (quality of) life altering proposition, attended the unofficial opening day of a friend's resturant.

Today

Welcomed a houseguest into my home for a few weeks. Worked on a social network site for an international organization. Washed some linens. Planning on going to Pelhourinho. Later going to the official opening day of a friend's restaurant. Calling parents (before they sendEmbassay after me). Making a pro-con list for the aforementioned proposition.

Tomorrow

Going to the beach early. Going grocery shopping. Calling grandma. Practicing Portuguese. Planning my week (including Friday, F's B-day).

In the next 5 years

I will: Finish my degree. Get a university job or another job that is fufilling. Return to the D for some period of time and helping out. Dating, falling in love, getting married and having another child (a girl has to keep hope alive, right?). Helping my son navigate through middle school, high school, and the college selection process (yikes). Traveling more, but finding a place to put down roots.

Half rainbows and settling in

These past few days have been pretty good. I set up Portuguese tutoring sessions for F. and me, found a grocery store that I am comfortable with, did some document translation (yes, I do work from time to time), and spent an evening on the beach listening to two free concerts just a block from each other. We never did get cable, but oh well. Hence the half rainbow.

Actually this morning is the second time that I've seen a half rainbow out over the ocean. It just reminds me of how blessed I am to be able to have such a view outside my window. Coming from urban and suburban Michigan, ocean views are, well, non-existent, and at my family's pay grade, lake and river views are something you get while vacationing. So it is indeed a privilege to stay in a place that overlooks the ocean. Know that I am settling in I am finally beginning to sit back and enjoy my surroundings....my locale.

Last night was particularly fun. I met up with an American colleague from JAPER (US-Brazil Joint Action Plan Civil Society Committee) and we hung out on the beach, listened to forro (like Brazilian country music...sort of), rock, and reggae, and talked about race relations in Brazil and the U.S. I realized how much I missed having a deep and engaging conversation with an adult. I need to do it more often. My son agrees. Once my colleague and I parted ways, F. and I continued to hang out. The reggae band was hot, and I was really getting into music. I told my son that his dad and I became a couple while playing in a reggae /Afro-pop band while in college. I can't believe he never heard of the Mau Maus (that was our name, do not take offense). We were a collection of Africans, Caribbeans, Asians, and N. Americans (me). I was a back up singer and dancer, known along with a South African woman as the I-2's (take off of the I-3's from Bob Marley's band...it also is a type of immigration document too, isn't it? Just realized that....).Mau Mau back in the day

Anyway, listening to the band, which had a woman playing keyboard, btw, took me back. They sung in English and Portuguese, and the crowd was funky. Lots of American college students (cool ones, not rowdy, drunk ones) European tourists, Brazilian kids, other locals, and a number of families with kids (F. didn't stand out too much, even though his style of dress marks us as American...he will not let go of the crisp white gym shoes and the baggy clothes). We eventually left because F. needed a bathroom break (those port-a-potties are NOT the stuff) and then it started raining. It was funny watching dozens of partiers cram under vendor umbrellas and shop canopies. Everyone was so calm. I try to imagine this scene in the U.S....like at Hart Plaza in downtown Detroit during a festival. Not sure how it would play out. Oh well...it was cool here. I look forward to a casual Saturday in the city. Going to do more transcribing, hit the mall for a few things, then maybe the beach....peace...

Finally

I have been wanting to blog for about a week now, but my Internet access has been sketchy, at best. F. and I made it to Salvador last Tuesday morning, and spent the first two days just getting acclimated. We arrived during one of the most rainy periods in a while, and if you have ever tried to battle rain coming off of an ocean, you know who is winning that battle. Needless to say my straight hairdo was one of the casualties of the rainstorm.

One of my umbrellas was another. It is so funny that you can see umbrella carcasses left abandoned on the streets. I, being the conscientious steward of the earth that I am (or at least try to be) traded mine in at a local store for a new one.

F. and I braved the rains for a number of days, then became impatient when we had to wait Wed., Thursday, Friday, and Saturday for the folks to come to install Internet (evidently in Brazil, saying you will arrive at 11, then 1, then 5 really means that you will not come at all…and you thought CPT was bad…)Then on Saturday night I started feeling a little, unwell….by Sunday morning I was full fledged sick…either Traveler's Stomach or some type of food poisoning, I'm not sure which. I thought I would self medicate with some ginger root tea and watermelon,

but that did not work out to well. I will spare you the details, but it was not pretty. I think the culprit was some horrific pizza that I bought at the Bompreco (a chain owned by Walmart). From now on, I am going to be even more selective about what I buy and where I buy it from. I will bite the bullet and shop at Pereni, a more upscale store (think Whole Food's, Papa Joe's, or Trader Joe's). I also might start eating fish and seafood when I go out cause I am tired of eating cheese pastries (the only non-meat dish I can find besides beans and rice). F. was such a dear the whole time, helping me out the best he could, not complaining when all I could do was make some beans and rice for dinner. He even was a surrogate mom, insisting that I eat something even though I did not feel like it. I forced myself to eat five spoonfuls of food for his benefit…didn't stay down long though….TMI…I know.

Monday and today were just perfect. There is nothing like being on your sickbed that makes you appreciate being well. I was able to keep food down which allowed me to regain my strength. The sun was shining brilliantly and folks were flocking to the beach. F. and I took a stroll along the beach and then ate lunch at a restaurant.

While we were there, Felipe, the rental agent, called me to say that the Internet folk were at my building waiting for me. I told him I would come back and he responded "okay, in an hour?". I thought that was odd since I had told him I was maybe 15 minutes away. But I decided to take my time and we returned home about 30 minutes later and….no Internet guys. So I don't know if it is the Brazilian way (jethino) to say one thing that is….an exaggeration (I won't say lie) of the truth. A Brazilian guy I met recently said as much, but would like to think that when people are handling business they handle business. Perhaps I as

k for too much. But after being home for 15 minutes or so Felipe calls to say that the guys are downstairs and they shortly come up to begin installation. They got things together and even offered to hook up satellite tv. We will see if that happens....

We did see a little taste of home....

"Detroit Environmental Health"

Evidently, the name of the local pest control company is "Detroit". Hmph.

Hopefully, we can make it to the beach tomorrow. We have spent a little time there...


I have an aversion to sand...not a good thing, since my son loves the beach and we are 4-8 minutes away from the beach, depending on the elevator.

View of one of Barra's beachs from our apartment. Beleza!

Living in Detroit

(pics here now)

I am only here for a few days before I head off to Brazil, but I feel like I have a bit of culture shock…in more ways than one. I packed up my apartment, put everything into storage….a 10 x 25 place that is pretty full (even with my pruning I still have a lot of ish… and turned in the keys. So now I have been driving around Detroit….south-eastern Michigan more specifically…as I spent Friday and Saturday in Ferndale, Madison Heights, Royal Oak, and other suburban cities. I want to reacclimate myself to this place that I will call home for the next year…but I feel so alien. Part of it is cause the area has changed a lot in four years. Not that I have not been back home on occasion, but visiting for 2-3 days once a month does not give you the flavor of an area. The "for sale" and "for rent" signs are rampant in the burbs, as are the empty storefronts. Even in tony places like Birmingham you see empty homes….empty strip malls in Royal Oak.

One interesting and cool thing that I noticed was in Oakland Mall. Growing up, Oakland Mall was one of "those" suburban malls where black folk weren't looked at too kindly. Over the years it got more comfortable to be there, and it was better than Northland which had been overrun by teenagers and gaudy, ghetto-fab shops (which I was all into during my younger years). I went to Oakland on Saturday to get my eyebrows arched and a pedicure (special treats for me with my doctoral student time and financial restrictions). There were Middle Eastern people (possibly Chaldean), Muslims, Indians, black folk, white folk, Latinos, Asians…j

ust an extremely diverse crowd. Now, for the most part, people were with their "own kind" but I did notice a black teenage girl handing with her ???Latino??? or Middle Eastern friend (she may have been bi-racial)….they looked like they were into the skater scene…tres cool! I saw two interracial couples….both black men, one with a white woman and one with a Asian woman. A few groups of teenagers were multiracial…and this one white g

uy with locks and some interesting get-up was walking around the mall barefoot….I wish I could of gotten a picture…evidently it is not against the rules to walk around barefoot cause he passed the security guard and the guard (a black man) did not even blink an eye…yes I was doing a lot of people watching at the mall today…I find malls to be excellent places to just sit and observe…

I felt a bit of role reversal on Saturday as well…many of my friends and family know that I am extremely pro-nappy, and have been since 1994. Well, on Friday I went to a salon and came out looking like this…

(sorry...pic later...just imagine me with straight hair...I look like a mix between Gabrielle Union and Queen Latifah)

***Here are the pics...see the resemblance....okay, maybe not***

Many folks who have only gotten to know me in the past few years may be shocked, but the reality is, I am not anti-straight hair…not 100%, and I have been known to straighten on occasion. I actually got into a bit of a heated discussion with my hairdresser about the merits of and problems with water and heat when it comes to black hair. I decided to slow my row since I WAS paying her to straighten my hair, so I couldn't quite argue that pressing combs were the debbil….so, I had my hair straightened, mainly so I could wear a stretched braid-out and to let my hair gradually kink back up….I prefer my hair bigger and curly; flat and straight doesn't feel like "me".

So I go run errands on Saturday, and it was interesting how people related to me! The girl that did my eyebrows tried to engage me in a convo about the high price of hair weaves…I had to tell her that I had no idea what she was talking about. She later let me know that I had the type of hair women are paying for…like baby doll hair, she said…. I think I did say thank you in response to all of the complements she gave me, but I did feel a bit uneasy (I try, as a rule, to NOT say thank you to statements like, oh your hair is so long, curly, nice texture, etc….but WILL say thank you to statements like…your hair is pretty….the personal is so political when it comes to black hair)

As I left the mall I crossed paths with this sister with long, semi-manicured locks…I usually am able to catch a fellow nappies' eye, but she averted her glance….

Later I sat in a restaurant near two older black women. One was a natural (small fro) and another had this short curly thing going on (not sure if it was natural or natural-esque). I attempted to catch their eyes and smile, but they, too, did not look my way. Now, I usually smile at black folk, particularly black women (I smile at other folks too, but my black liberation days have conditioned me to smile at sistern and brethern). I really felt as though they were shunning me cause I was not "one of them". Now, of course, I have no idea what they were thinking or not thinking regarding me, but I know that hair gives people impressions of you. I am used to my hair saying certain things about me, whether or not they are true. I kind of like the image that people have of me…the earthy, intellectual, conscious. I don't care for people classifying me as militant or racially intolerant (most people in real life know that is SOOOO far from the truth). I like the black aesthetic and I like the culture that I come from and the global African diasporan culture. Wearing my hair straight has been a culture shock for me….first, I do like it…somewhat. Second, I feel really guilty for liking it. Third, I don't like the way I felt alienated from sistas simply because of my hair. Fourth, I wonder if women who wear their hair straight feel alienated when around natural sistas? Now I know the answer to that; many do, cause many of US (natural sistas) do have preconceived notions of women who straighten their hair. This hair thing is deep and I am sure it will be revisted later, since hair is a mini-obsession of mine. Its late though, and I need to get up early so I can go to the Detroit Flower Show!!! Will blog later...