One week left, on being ABD, and a 12 year veteran...

Twelve Years
Well, maybe more like 10 or 11 years....this is my 10th Mother's Day as an actual mother! I can't believe it sometimes how fast time flies...I mean, while it doesn't seem like just yesterday that I was bringing F. home, it also doesn't seem like I should really be the mom of an 11 year old...in 6 or so years he will be off to college and I will be an empty nester (maybe). But in the interim, I have the most challenging years ahead....the teenage years! I am somewhat looking forward to it...I already enjoy the fact that I can now talk to him about social issues, religion, and life in general in a way that I couldn't years before (well, I did, but I am not sure he understood everything at 8.....not sure he understands it all now....or if I even do...). A little part of me is even considering a small run at a boarding school (didn't Barack go to boarding school for a bit?...maybe not, but still...). I want to give him some really unique experiences...the most unique (for a young African American urban male of a single mom) is the opportunity to live HERE for 3 months......

Barra area of Salvador da Bahia, Brazil

Which leads me to....

One Week Left

So right now I am packing things up for storage and packing our suitcases to leave. I have vowed that we will each get one suitcase for clothes, we will have one suitcase for household necessities, like my hair products, my skin care products, my yoga equipment....you know, necessities like that. One suitcase will be for my research stuff (since I am supposed to be doing work down there) and then backpacks and a carry on bag....as I am writing this I am thinking that maybe we will not need backpacks AND carry ons....if we pack right. So I feel that I am on target for getting us set by Wednesday when the movers come (I tried to solicit help from all the *ahem* men I know....to no avail....guess I should of played nice with the exes...so daddy dear offered to chip in for movers (I wonder if the fact that, at my old age, I am still a daddy's girl is one of the reasons why I'm still single). So my home looks like this now...

In the midst of it all, I still need to finish up grading and stuff for my class, write a couple of letters of recommendation, and file some paperwork, cause as of May 7th, I am.....

ABD!!!! (All But Dissertation)
I am only going to allow myself to celebrate that for about a week or so more, cause it is not a place to get stuck at, but, darn it, its been four years in the making! The process has been slow, but steady, with no major bumps in the road, so for that I am greatful. Now I have to really forge ahead and not get sidetracked in Brazil or once I return home to Detroit. It'll be different doing my work away from campus, but I am hoping that the change of scenery will do F. and I both some good. I intend to work really hard M-F and then have a social life on the weekends. I am not planning on running the streets all the time, but I just want some balance in my life, balance that has been missing these last four years. Again, university had been real good to me, but it is just time to go home and finish. The goal is one year from now!!!! In the meantime, I've got a lot to keep me busy...back to work.....

For real though, enough is enough!

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

-Anais Nin

So the end of the semester and the year is upon me. I have renewed my effort to get things in order and I feel that I am well on my way. I have commited myself to documenting the various aspects of my journey...a way of keeping myself honest, I suppose. Now I know I said that I would start doing all of this homemade cleaning and beauty stuff, and I have actually done a few things. But I have not gone full force ahead, because of one simple thing. I live in a mess of an apartment, and I have lived in messy apartments most of my adult life. It pains me to say that, but it is true. They say admitting a problem is the first step. Well, for many years I would not admit that it was a problem...for many years I did not see it as a problem. I mean, didn't everyone tell their guests to just sit on the books covering the couch? Why wouldn't I have 10 sets of bedding for a household of two? 60 pairs of shoes for a woman who isn't even "into" shoes (I am, however, a bag lady); what is the problem with that?

I did not feel that the amount of stuff I have was too big of a problem, but now it has become stifling, stressful, overwhelming, and it impacts not just my life, but my son's life. Like most major changes I have made in my life, seeing how things impact Z. is what is pushing me into action. I want to live a simpler, more fufilling life, and that starts with letting go of the things that keep us down. Below are some "before" pics of various rooms in our apartment, and I will be adding pics as we work through our space....stay tuned! Oh, and please don't be shocked by what you see....it looks bad, like a before on Clean House, but some of this is after I started pulling things out of the closets for sorting.....for real though!!!

This is my living room area.

The "dining area" where noone but me sits and eats...while watching tv and surfing the Internet.

Another view of my living room area...has potential, right?